We’ve intercepted a post scheduled for tomorrow on tech news blog TechCrunch. Editor Michael Arrington writes:
It started as an idea. Well, a monologue to my date, really. It was said in half-jest after a few drinks. Then she seemed really uninterested so I said it in less jest.
Inspired by TechCrunch writer Robin Wauters’s “I’m Quitting Phone Calls” and MG Siegler’s “I’m Quitting Email”, I’ve decided to quit speaking, writing, reading or otherwise engaging in human language for one month.
I was going to save this for my personal blog, but hey, when have I ever done that?
After calling a cab for my date because suddenly her grandmother had died and also she had left the oven on and also her phone would probably be out of battery power for the next seven weeks, I walked home thinking about my increasing reliance on nuanced, connotation-rich human language.
How many times had I demanded what I wanted, only to be told “no” as if I had made a deniable request? How often had I shouted at someone and not seen any sign of physical pain?
Human communication is constantly interrupting my work. Five minutes into every money-count, I get a phone call or an email or my sweet mother visits to bring me cookies. The last one is pretty nice, but I loathe the bland ritual of “Hello, how are you, yeah I miss Dad too.”
I’m a little afraid. What will happen to my money without human language? Numbers don’t count, right?
TechCrunch will be fine, because I run the business like any good manager should: Get out of your employees’ way, but continue to siphon as much wealth as possible while secretly building your next business.
See, if I just showed you, that wouldn’t sound so devious and you’d be giving me a little money.
So for the next month, I’m abstaining from all language. My actions will speak for themselves. Like when I punch, that means “give me.” And a middle finger means — no, forget it, you’ll figure the rest out. Let’s start: